There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
