I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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