Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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