Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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