clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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