Someone shit on the floor
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
