y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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