My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
