This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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