just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
