Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i now understand why vodka
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
