i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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