she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I AM VODKA MAN
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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