you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
