I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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