We're like a lot better than the average bears
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
