OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i think i have two assholes
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
