I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
