when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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