the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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