Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She's like a pop up book from hell.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
