So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
