i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
