The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
