the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
