Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
