also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
