My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
