Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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