I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
