Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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