Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
