I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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