3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
not ubering you a puppy
Floor bacon is actually really good
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
