Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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