I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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