I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize