I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize