ugly people sure do ruin things
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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