She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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