If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
