i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's shark week go big or go home
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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