you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
