so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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