I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
