i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I need a beard to bite.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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