butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
