That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
