Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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