i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
