Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
