yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
