This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
