Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
