remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
