I am midnight drunk by noon
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
