He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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