i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
