I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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