i may or may not be watching the land before time
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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