i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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