end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
