glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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